my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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