youre lurking in front of me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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