I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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