have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
