he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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