I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
