I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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