I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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