I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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