Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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