I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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