guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
