I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
