My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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