My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
