he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
