If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
