I accidentally had phone sex last night
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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