"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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