I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pooping to opera.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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