He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
