Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
