who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
