So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
