oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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