definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
