I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
