Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
