Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
