when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
