Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
