I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
