I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
