apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
