there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
