She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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