I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize