i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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