im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
