...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
