She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
