we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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