What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
