so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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