if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
