are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
