about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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