I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
