he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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