Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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