I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
