I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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