True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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