Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
