I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
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I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...