I cockslap morals
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat