yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.