I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!