Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I could make wine with my vomit
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I need a hoe opinion