Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
