he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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