I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
