addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
