he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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