I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
