i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
