I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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