Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
