My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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