Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
