ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
