If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
