So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
