so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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