Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
