He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
