Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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