Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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