you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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