someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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