I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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