last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
