People in love make me want to vomit
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
