you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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