one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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