conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
