i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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