Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
